gossip
02/17/2007
Britney Goes Bald
In light of the tragic death of Anna Nicole Smith and the ghoulish media frenzy that followed, the latest news about Britney Spears' prolonged fall from grace is all the more heartbreaking. Spears wound up at a Sherman Oaks tattoo parlor (mere days after a reported one-day stint at a Bahamas rehab facility) with a shaved head. Ignoring the paparazzi in tow, Britney got a pair of red and pink lips tattooed on her wrist. According to sources inside the establishment, Spears acted "distraught" and "disturbed," not surprising given the severity of her actions.
Looking at this troubling footage, we fear a total breakdown of the singer's psyche is imminent -- our heart goes out to her and her loved ones.
02/07/2007
Tom Cruise Shows the Wife a Good Time
Come on, Tom! I know you're a beautiful dancer! I see you dance all the time! In the kitchen, in the shower, in that movie you did in the eighties, when I was ten... Why can you only dance to saucy Latin beats at home? Why can't you just dance with me a little in public, huh? Will Smith loves to dance. Will dances all the time! He wrote that whole song about Miami, remember, and how much fun dancing is! I think that was Will. I was in high school. You might remember better, honey. Anyways, though, Will dances in public all the time, and no one thinks he looks gay...
No, sweetie, of COURSE no one thinks you're gay. I don't know where that thought came from. But if you want to prove them wrong, how about you dance a little with me, huh? There are all these cameras, after all -- people might notice if... Oh, please, honey, this song is soooo good! Can't you just pretend? It's not that hard. You act all the time! Just put your hands on my hips, sway a little... See, there you go! That's good! That's... Okay, that's fine. That's good enough for now. Now everyone can see how much we're in love, right? Right?
01/18/2007
Gay's Anatomy
The proof of the invocation is debatable, but this compendium of interviews from the evening tells me that Isaiah Washington is a shockingly sincere liar. And, I know that if T.R. Knight referred to Washington as a n****r, he would've been fired, driven out of town, and charged with assault. You can say race and sexuality are a different beast, but it's still a civil rights frontier. Like it or not, public personalities like actors do make a difference in swaying people on what's OK and what isn't.
Instead of going into self-preservation mode, Isaiah Washington should admit fault and weakness, and issue a statement how it's not cool to hate. Problem solved. Too bad that won't happen and we'll have to see a sad and sheepish T.R. Knight make appearances on Ellen seeking validation to live his life without being persecuted for it.
Seriously folks, we take care of this homophobia and fear of immigrants, and we're inching towards tolerance in this country. Can't we unite in the hate of one group of people? I nominate the douchebags.
01/02/2007
Britney Spears' Boozy New Year's Eve Shout-Out
Oh Britney. We knew it wouldn't be long before you fell back into the cultural dialogue. Sure, the world recently beheaded a murderous dictator and lost a former president and the Godfather of Soul, but what's news without a little drunken, careening Brit-Brit to get one's blood rushing?
According to none other than Robin Leach(!):
Less than one hour into the New Year, pop-princess Britney Spears collapsed at the PURE nightclub inside Caesars Palace. Just 50 minutes earlier, she had hosted two countdowns to usher in the New Year...
Mystery now surrounds Britney's collapse early this morning. She had been seated on a VIP tented-cabana bed overlooking the dance floor at 12:50AM talking with one of her male dancers. She intimated she wanted to leave and as she stood up, "she went into a dead faint and just fell right to the floor."
The Spears camp is denying any alcoholic involvement in the fainting and instead asserts that Brit-Brit, like any new mother, was just too damn tired for NYE.
Whatever, both versions are fine by us; fainting is just so medievally melodramatic! To showcase our devotion, here's a thoroughly inaudible clip of the poptart just after she rings in the New Year and just before she hits the floor. Enjoy!
