The Western world is pretty lenient when it comes to the exposure of cleavage -- it's only when we get to the aureola line that Standards and Practices reaches for the big red button. But where do we as a civilization stand in regards to third nipples? This is the question raised, thanks to Lily Allen's appearance on variety show/talk show hybrid The Friday Night Project.

Given that in medieval times, Allen would have been persecuted as a witch for that sort of physical deformity, we have to admire her bravery. FNP, Britain's answer to Saturday Night Live, often gets more than a little raunchy. But it's not often that a guest willingly exposes side boob.

Don't let that sweet voice fool you -- Akon is a straight-up thug. At least when it comes to little kids. Less than a month after losing his Verizon endorsement deal for his raunchy dry-humping session with a 15-year-old girl at a concert in Trinidad, the Grammy-nominated ex-con (and proud polygamist) decided to rough-up another teenager onstage while camera phones were rolling. And it's pretty nasty.

Reports are circulating that police have tracked down the young (and, hopefully, former) fan and are considering criminal charges. We wonder what Akon would have done if the guy who threw something at him wasn't 98 pounds. Maybe he'll find out if he goes back to the joint. (For another clip of the fan-tossing, click here.)

Oh Britney. We knew it wouldn't be long before you fell back into the cultural dialogue. Sure, the world recently beheaded a murderous dictator and lost a former president and the Godfather of Soul, but what's news without a little drunken, careening Brit-Brit to get one's blood rushing?

According to none other than Robin Leach(!):

Less than one hour into the New Year, pop-princess Britney Spears collapsed at the PURE nightclub inside Caesars Palace. Just 50 minutes earlier, she had hosted two countdowns to usher in the New Year...

Mystery now surrounds Britney's collapse early this morning. She had been seated on a VIP tented-cabana bed overlooking the dance floor at 12:50AM talking with one of her male dancers. She intimated she wanted to leave and as she stood up, "she went into a dead faint and just fell right to the floor."

The Spears camp is denying any alcoholic involvement in the fainting and instead asserts that Brit-Brit, like any new mother, was just too damn tired for NYE.

Whatever, both versions are fine by us; fainting is just so medievally melodramatic! To showcase our devotion, here's a thoroughly inaudible clip of the poptart just after she rings in the New Year and just before she hits the floor. Enjoy!

OJ Simpson has learned to play the American Game, and I am not talking about football. Not only does Mr. Simpson become a famous athlete (complete with the house, pretty wife, etc), but he then kills his estranged wife and hires a legal team who turn the trial into a full-on media spectacular, complete with all the things the American public loves: fame, "the race card," crooked cops, etc.

So you either think OJ got off and our justice system failed, or that it came to the rescue of a man who was framed. It almost doesn't matter; the verdict was seen on live TV by more than half the US population. Whatever. He has to pay loads of money ($33,500,000) in a civil suit. Still, the man is able to retire to golf courses for ten years. Then, later, shielded by double jeopardy he writes a book!! And its called "OJ Simpson: If I did it, This is How."

No matter what you think of OJ's innocence, his book is going to make oodles of cash. Again, the freak show factor. Everyone will quietly get their discreet brown boxes from an certain online bookseller and turn the pages with the shades drawn at night. His publisher is so sure of this scenario that Simpson was reportedly paid upwards of $3.5 million for the book rights. (Now he's made back some of that money he paid in the civil suit-- odd? Or the parable of a 21st Century American- just keep working, you'll earn that money back.)

Anyway, rantings about the new form the American dream aside, you know something is "out there" when Bill O'Reily himself isn't down... "holidays," "gays," and now "OJ." Go figure.

Common, admit it, you're going to watch the interview...