Here's a little known fact: at some point in the 80's, the marketing teams responsible for launching virtually all new software lost their collective minds. Don't believe me? Check out this "rap" video promoting MS-DOS 5.

I can't do it full justice -- you really have to watch it -- but there's some scientist guy, and he's rapping, and then he shrinks for a while, and there are some dancing elephants, and then he's full sized again, and... seriously, just watch it.

And if that alone doesn't convince you that insanity was spreading through Microsoft's ad department like wildfire, have a look at this promo for Windows 386. (Don't be fooled by the first couple of minutes; the crazy kicks in at about 2:15.)

I don't... and why... and with the.... <sigh> My head hurts.

If I ever get my hands on a time machine, the first thing I'm doing is going back to the pitch meetings for these two promos, so I can witness for myself the ad guys acting them out as a delighted Bill Gates shouts, "YES! I LOVE IT!" After that, I'll go kill Hilter and do a bunch of other stuff. But first, I'm finding out what's with Microsoft and all the rapping.

Nicole Kidman turned forty last week, and as this European commercial for Nintendo DS reminds us, the brain is the first thing to go. Here, angelic-looking Kidman is distressed to find that her "brain score" is 52, which is apparently pretty dire. (Guess that's what happens when you use up all your energy making sure everything in your home and your wardrobe is the exact same shade of white.)

To remedy the situation, Kidman jumps into a rigorous Nintento DS game of... Rock, Paper, Scissors. I'm not sure exactly how that particular game gives your brain a workout, but then again, my brain score's not 52.

Nowadays, those lucrative, super-secret commericials celebs do overseas just aren't so secret anymore, and they know it. Does this mean a trend away from the truly enjoyably embarassing ads of yore? (Well, we've always got Nic Cage.) Kidman may look fantastic here, but she's still advertising herself as being dumb as a bag of rocks (or paper or scissors). So I just don't know.

In this elaborate viral campaign, Cisco Systems leaks us the "candid" video Businessman has meltdown in hotel lobby, featuring a man losing his mind after being unable to reach a colleague, find an electrical outlet, or get a cup of coffee. The video ends in a link for Don't Have a Meltdown, where a kindly therapist explains the toll poor business communications systems can take on your mental health. This leads to a "treatment session" (commercial), which eventually leads to a phone number, which you can then use to get all your business communications integrated, making it easier to reach anyone anytime, and filling your life with bliss thereafter.

What is never explained is how Cisco Systems would prevent any of the problems that drive the poor businessmen over the edge. Are they going to make the colleague answer the phone? Install new outlets at the hotel? Fill the coffee urns? Get him treatment for his anger management issues and flagrant abuse of prescription drugs and crystal meth?

I fear not.