Here's a little known fact: at some point in the 80's, the marketing teams responsible for launching virtually all new software lost their collective minds. Don't believe me? Check out this "rap" video promoting MS-DOS 5.

I can't do it full justice -- you really have to watch it -- but there's some scientist guy, and he's rapping, and then he shrinks for a while, and there are some dancing elephants, and then he's full sized again, and... seriously, just watch it.

And if that alone doesn't convince you that insanity was spreading through Microsoft's ad department like wildfire, have a look at this promo for Windows 386. (Don't be fooled by the first couple of minutes; the crazy kicks in at about 2:15.)

I don't... and why... and with the.... <sigh> My head hurts.

If I ever get my hands on a time machine, the first thing I'm doing is going back to the pitch meetings for these two promos, so I can witness for myself the ad guys acting them out as a delighted Bill Gates shouts, "YES! I LOVE IT!" After that, I'll go kill Hilter and do a bunch of other stuff. But first, I'm finding out what's with Microsoft and all the rapping.

In this tragicomic commercial for Skittles, a man is asked by his coworker to demonstrate how everything he touches turns to Skittles. Kinda awesome, right? Not so, my friend.

A soliloquy of Shakespearean proportions follows, as the forlorn fellow relates how the "Skittles touch" keeps him from holding his son, dressing himself... and how it resulted in a most unfortunate fate for a man he met on the bus. Talk about bringing a new meaning to the word "bittersweet."

But seriously, though -- all the Skittles you could ever want, any time you want them? That's pretty cool. Plus, I can think of a few people I'd like to lay the Skittle mojo on.

Still. Those Skittle marketing dudes are effed up.

Here, a very German man dances around in a Speedo, farting and twisting his nipples around a VW bug. While definitely not trying to seduce viewers into buying the car (except for those viewers who are ‘into that sort of thing’), in the end this ad comes together, its punch line finally making clear why someone chose to spend money filming this.

Volkswagen has played off its German-ness before (see the German version of “Pimp my Ride”: “Un-Pimp my Auto”), and although it may leave you a bit uneasy, it's more attention-grabbing than the ten-thousandth panoramic view of Brand-X SUV, driving through the desert to a voiceover about warranties.

In this quirky advertisement, a wobegone Frenchman describes the sad life he once led. He was a misunderstood loner, his playful attempts to engage strangers -- knocking off their hats, mussing their hair, lifting up their skirts -- leaving him ignored and friendless. Hmm. Hard to imagine why.

But just when you start to think that maybe this socially dysfunctional Froggie was alone for all-too-good reasons, the story turns. He tells you the story of a man he met who gave him a job, a purpose -- a reason to go on. And THEN the whole thing gets flipped on its ear as the Frenchman's true identity is revealed, and the esoteric meets the metaphorical in a resolution that is sweet, clever, and frankly just super-cute.