As a profoundly embarrassed "Gimme More" apologist (I think it's a good song, okay?!), all of the recent Britney Spears kerfuffle has me feeling awfully torn. After all, I like the song. But everything that's happened in relation to the release of said song is more than a little disappointing.

And I'm including the official music video on that list. It's not just that there's something profoundly creepy about blonde Britney Spears sitting at a bar and getting turned on by watching brunette Britney Spears shake her moneymaker. It's also the seedy club, the uninspired pole-dancing, the weird fake arm tattoo... Oh, good grief, she literally rubs up against the wall for the part where she says she's up against the wall. Boo-urns.

In short -- oh, dear. I'm still a fan, Brit-Brit. But if you could put a little more effort in, that'd be great. We're all saying give us more, at this point.

About a bajillion Halo-related videos have popped up in the last few days in anticipation of the release of Halo 3, the third and (ostensibly) final installment of the mega-popular video game franchise. Among the best of these is Team Tiger Awesome’s “Halo Nights,” a boy-band-esque music video about a man’s love of Halo and how it ruins his life. This video is especially timely not only because Halo 3 comes out next week, but also because we are a mere two weeks away from the release of the Backstreet Boys’ latest attempt at a comeback album, Unbreakable.

I incited the ire of BSB fans last week by writing a “snotty” (sic) post about their lead video “Inconsolable” (okay fine, it was snotty, but come on, it’s the Backstreet Boys. Am I supposed to be sincere?). But, after watching this, I can say with confidence that while Team Tiger Awesome may not have millions of record sales, at least they still have their youth and good looks. And relevance. And none of them look like a Puerto Rican Mr. T.

Britney Spears' new single "Gimme More" isn't such a bad song. The remix with TI is even better. Britney's performance of "Gimme More" at MTV's Video Music Awards, on the other hand, was really just... depressing.

In fact, the word "performance" is such a vast overstatement of what Britney did, I don't even know what word I could put in its place to adequately describe what really happened. Is there a verb for "show up and look incredibly unenthused while lip-synching badly and occasionally walking to another part of the stage?"

Wearing practically nothing and throwing in the occasional bump & grind, Britney should, in theory, come off as a mesmerizing vixen. Instead, she just seems tired and almost resentful to be there, as if to say, "Sure, you can wake me up from my nap and make me do lame choreography, but you can't make me like it."

The last minute is particularly painful; at that point, the only thing Britney could do to make things more morosely lethargic would be to lie down and finish the song while chain-smoking and eating Cheetos.

Sexy Britney was fun. Crazy Britney was fun, for a while, at least. Sad, limp Britney? Not fun. Kind of a downer. Somebody get this girl a Red Bull and some love, STAT.

Jennifer Lopez's "Do It Well," the first single from the new album Brave, is a funky celebration of bringing hotness and commitment together. The video, on the other hand... You know how sometimes you see a video, and you think, "Damn, that is the perfect depiction of everything that song is about," and then the song and the video really resonate with you for a long time? Yeah. This isn't one of those times.

So Jennifer Lopez is this badass beyotch in a supersexy trench coat, and she gets this message that she needs to help the world's youngest fry cook get to Union Street. So she goes to a club where they have strippers in Habitrails, pushes a guy down the stairs, gets another guy in a chokehold, has a dance break, shoves and punches eight or nine more guys, has another dance break, passes a dude in a mousetrap, has another dance break, saves the little fry cook, kicks one last guy down the stairs, and leaves. Presumably for Union Street.

Feel the heat. Feel the love. Feel the inimitable, "Look, Ma, I'm directing" style of the famously edgy David LaChapelle. Feel the need to wonder aloud, "The hell?"