Linkin Park, oh, I suppose I've missed you. But what I've missed is your earnest boy-band-with-a-backing-bass sound, the uber-dramatic bridges and crescendos of synthesizers. What I didn't miss was your attempts to be Coldplay. I have seen Coldplay, Linkin Park, and you are no Coldplay.

What I see here is lead singer Chester Bennington (seriously -- CHESTER), singing about the world. The world is apparently bad. You can tell, because he turns on the TV and watches the news. Which is full of violence. So he laces up his manly manly construction boots and leaves the house to walk around the riot raging right outside his door.

And he walks around and sings for a while, while cops point their guns and rioters run amok... Really, it's a pretty boring riot as far as riots go. Eventually, a car gets set on fire, and Chester sings some more about how the world is sad and bad and all that... And then the video ends.

Some might interpret this video as having a very nihilistic message, but it's a video about hope, really. Hope that if you stand near a burning car to sing about how the world sucks, the car's fuel line won't ignite and set you on fire. We all gotta hope for something, I suppose.

Backstreet’s back... alright? This is what I assume is the lead single from what I assume is going to be another Backstreet Boys album coming out soon. I say “I assume” because I steadfastly refuse to do any research about this whatsoever. But here we go:

It appears the years have not been kind to the Backstreet Boys. Back when they started in 19mumblemumble, they were baby-faced heartthrobs with tight abs and tighter dance moves, but it turns out 45 year old men do not a good boy band make. Hmmm. Shit, I just realized I don’t remember their names. Is that Nick or Aaron Carter? In any case, he looks okay, all things considered, but that one guy looks like a Puerto Rican Mr. T. There’s no way he used to look like that. And wasn’t there a fifth Backstreet Boy? What happened to him? Did he die? Oh man! This song is probably about the pain they suffered when they lost him. Sad.

Okay, well, the video is full of these middle-aged dudes extending their arms longingly towards the camera and clenching their fists in moments of unadulterated passion. Therefore, I highly recommend it.

If you loved the soapy drama, narrative power, and chattily detailed lyrics of "Trapped in the Closet," but you feared the commitment of such a large time investment, well, jump up and sing "Hallelujah," 'cause your video is here!

In "Same Girl," R. Kelly calls up his best bud Usher to tell him about the new lady in his life. As Kells describes her -- license plate that says "Angel," tattoo on her ankle, a place on Peach Street near 17th -- Ush starts to get a baaaad feeling. Usher asks, "She got a kid?" "Yep." "Loves some Waffle House?" "Yep" "Do she got a beauty mark on her left side of her mouth" "Man?" "Went to Georgia Tech?" "Yep." "Works at TBS?" "Yep." As Ush has clearly realized well before Kells (who's apparently not all that bright), they are involved with the SAME GIRL. Oh, snap!

After several verses about how she done them wrong performed in various settings that show how rich they are, Ush and Kells decide to confront the girl in question. Only, when they do... she's TWINS! (Twins with the same kid, same job, same car, same tattoo, and same beauty mark, apparently.) Eh, all's well that ends well, I guess. Poor Kells still looks a little confused, though.