Backstreet’s back... alright? This is what I assume is the lead single from what I assume is going to be another Backstreet Boys album coming out soon. I say “I assume” because I steadfastly refuse to do any research about this whatsoever. But here we go:

It appears the years have not been kind to the Backstreet Boys. Back when they started in 19mumblemumble, they were baby-faced heartthrobs with tight abs and tighter dance moves, but it turns out 45 year old men do not a good boy band make. Hmmm. Shit, I just realized I don’t remember their names. Is that Nick or Aaron Carter? In any case, he looks okay, all things considered, but that one guy looks like a Puerto Rican Mr. T. There’s no way he used to look like that. And wasn’t there a fifth Backstreet Boy? What happened to him? Did he die? Oh man! This song is probably about the pain they suffered when they lost him. Sad.

Okay, well, the video is full of these middle-aged dudes extending their arms longingly towards the camera and clenching their fists in moments of unadulterated passion. Therefore, I highly recommend it.

Britney Spears' new single "Gimme More" isn't such a bad song. The remix with TI is even better. Britney's performance of "Gimme More" at MTV's Video Music Awards, on the other hand, was really just... depressing.

In fact, the word "performance" is such a vast overstatement of what Britney did, I don't even know what word I could put in its place to adequately describe what really happened. Is there a verb for "show up and look incredibly unenthused while lip-synching badly and occasionally walking to another part of the stage?"

Wearing practically nothing and throwing in the occasional bump & grind, Britney should, in theory, come off as a mesmerizing vixen. Instead, she just seems tired and almost resentful to be there, as if to say, "Sure, you can wake me up from my nap and make me do lame choreography, but you can't make me like it."

The last minute is particularly painful; at that point, the only thing Britney could do to make things more morosely lethargic would be to lie down and finish the song while chain-smoking and eating Cheetos.

Sexy Britney was fun. Crazy Britney was fun, for a while, at least. Sad, limp Britney? Not fun. Kind of a downer. Somebody get this girl a Red Bull and some love, STAT.

Jennifer Lopez's "Do It Well," the first single from the new album Brave, is a funky celebration of bringing hotness and commitment together. The video, on the other hand... You know how sometimes you see a video, and you think, "Damn, that is the perfect depiction of everything that song is about," and then the song and the video really resonate with you for a long time? Yeah. This isn't one of those times.

So Jennifer Lopez is this badass beyotch in a supersexy trench coat, and she gets this message that she needs to help the world's youngest fry cook get to Union Street. So she goes to a club where they have strippers in Habitrails, pushes a guy down the stairs, gets another guy in a chokehold, has a dance break, shoves and punches eight or nine more guys, has another dance break, passes a dude in a mousetrap, has another dance break, saves the little fry cook, kicks one last guy down the stairs, and leaves. Presumably for Union Street.

Feel the heat. Feel the love. Feel the inimitable, "Look, Ma, I'm directing" style of the famously edgy David LaChapelle. Feel the need to wonder aloud, "The hell?"

It's becoming more and more clear that whoever books the music for The Late Show With David Letterman is turning the show into a hotbed of new, hip music. The White Rabbits played The Late Show (video here) barely a year after relocating to NYC to pursue their music dreams, and now the midwestern college chums are rocketing into hipster consciousness.

This, their first video, seems like it was mostly shot by the band themselves as they started on the journey from obscurity to the radar of every avid Pitchfork reader. The excitement of these boys is palpable as they goof around on the road, play the biggest shows of their lives, and generally enjoy themselves. Lucky dogs.