Kanye West's new album "Graduation" has been a critical and commercial success, going gold in a day and crushing the competition (including poor ol' 50 Cent, who may or may not actually end up retiring). In short, the man is a clear winner, which has made his recent temper tantrums about losing super-baffling.

But the Kanye PR machine must be a mighty and fierce one, rivaling Truckosaurus with its cunning and ability to breathe fire. That's the best explanation I have as to how the hip-hop star got the chance to satirize his poor losing on the Saturday Night Live season premiere. It's a triumph of self-parody, simultaneously negating the bad press of his VMA hissyfit and promoting Kanye as a comedy threat. Because who knew Kanye was funny? Not me. But next time I have the opportunity, I'll definitely give "a black man -- um, a short black man -- a chance."

You are right, helpful subtitle -- they do not show us this on the TV. But learning how, exactly, the mighty giraffe might choose to do battle with another, equally mighty, giraffe is extremely good information to have. Short version: it involves hitting each other with their necks. Long version: ...it involves a lot of hitting each other with their necks? But that doesn't make it any less awesome. Please enjoy.

What happens when you mash-up the biggest train wreck of a performance in MTV history with the bizarre viral-video rant that resulted from it? Believe it or not, something pretty f'in' fresh.

For those of you who have been off the grid for the past few weeks, on Sept. 9, Britney Spears put the final nail in the coffin that is her career when she appeared doped-up, out-of-shape, and in dire need of a lip-sync tune-up during a pathetic rendition of her new single, "Gimme More," at the MTV Video Music Awards. The very next day, Chris Crocker, a sexually ambiguous, hysterical young lad from Tennessee posted an impassioned defense of the troubled pop-tart on his YouTube page. The clip went viral -- in a very big way -- and before Crocker could say "drama queen," he had himself a reality series.

It's safe to say that neither clip is an example of bonafide artistic talent. The same cannot be said, however, for this remix of the two vids by AV maestro DJ Cobra. A well-known turntablist from Los Angeles, Cobra also boasts some nifty video-editing chops. And, as the old saying goes, he's got a knack for making chicken salad out of chicken shit.

Everyone has their own way of dealing with unpleasant facts about the world. Some of us confront them head-on. Some of us snark about them on the Internet while doing nothing substantive to fix the problem. Some of us drink heavily. (Some of us do two out of three.) But there aren't a lot of adults who admit to the "nah nah nah I don't know what you're talking about" approach. It's fun to know that President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is one of them.

During the Iranian president's controversial Q&A at Columbia University, he was asked point-blank about the treatment of homosexuals in his country. And apparently, it's fine -- because there are no homosexuals in Iran. Cue the laughter of the student body. But he's not joking.

I suppose what he actually means to say is that the openly gay lifestyle is completely non-existent in Iran, which is true. This is because persecution is rampant and public hangings of the openly homosexual are not unheard-of, given that all penetrative sexual acts between men are punishable by death. Given what that says about the state of human rights there, maybe I'll take a cue from Mahmoud, and try avoidance for a little while.

On Swedish TV, the show must go on, even if you're blowing chunks. Late night television presenter Eva Nazemson was hosting a phone-in game show on Sweden's TV4 Plus when a bad patch of menstrual cramps got her hurling.

Ever the professional, Nazemson stepped off camera ever-so-briefly and then returned, not only explaining herself but finishing the call she had taken before the nausea hit. Unfortunately, the guy's answer was wrong, but at least he got to be part of Swedish television history.

This article gives Nazemson's plucky perspective on the whole affair. Something to keep in mind -- while the longest extended version of the video we found runs only about a minute and a half, the lovely-even-after-vomit Eva stayed on the air for two hours after the initial spewage.

If this had been American TV, they'd have cut to commercial and had Kelly Ripa halfway home in a limo by the time Mrs. Butterworth's syrup hit the plate. Those Swedes have a hell of a work ethic.